Parenthood 101 (Day 2)

Woke up at 9:04am this morning after passing out last night around 10pm. After a whole day of running the kids around, I really had no patience by the time they had to go to bed. Thankfully it only took two tries to get them to stay in their beds, leaving me to curl up in front of the TV and watch America's Next Top Model in french on MusiquePlus. I also started a new crochet project which will no doubt be finished in a couple of days. All I was missing was a glass of red wine.

The kids got up around 8am, but they were playing nicer with each other than when I was around, so I let them be for an hour or so. I still can't get over how nice this lady's house is. When I saw the place nearly two weeks ago, I couldn't believe two young children lived there. Every room looks like its been plucked straight out of an IKEA catalogue with everything matching and all the wall decor to match. Last night was my first time sleeping in a King sized bed. O.o
It started snowing this morning so there is a light dusting of white over the front yard, to which Isla replied "WE CAN MAKE SNOWANGELS!!". Not entirely sure what the plan is for today.

I would like to make a batch of chocolate chip cookies with the kids. From one of my students from work I got one of those cookie mixes, where all you have to do is add the wet ingredients (eggs, milk, etc). I figured it would be a good way to use it up.

One thing I have discovered. Kids are easier to deal with outside, while they are running around and burning off energy then when they are doing the same thing inside the house. The fresh air and getting out of the house also does me some good I think. This experience has been relatively enlightening and gives me a much better idea of how to parent my own kids (when I eventually have them). I'm not entirely sure how often their mom works, but it seems that the two of them don't really have any boundaries. I don't think my rules are terribly strict ie: wash your hands before meals, keep your feet off the table, etc. I've read in many places too that kids thrive off routine so I've been attempting to keep the schedule similar:

Breakfast 9:30am
Dressed and Teeth Brushed 10:15am
Board Games/ TV time/ Games till lunch
12:30 Lunch
1:00pm Quiet Time for an hour
2:00 Go to the Park
3:00 Board Games/ TV time/ Games till supper
5:00pm Supper
6:00pm Wind Down time, get into PJ's and brush teeth
7:30pm Bedtime

I think its a matter of me adjusting to the schedule too. My days (now that I'm on vacation) were pretty unstructured except for mealtimes which stay pretty consistent.

Parenthood 101

Today is day one of my journey into being a mom. Hold on! Wait! I guess I should go back a few steps. Several months ago, a co-worker of mine asked if I would be interested in making a little extra money over the holidays. A friend of her dad's would be heading down to Cuba over New Years Eve and needed someone to take care of her kids for a week. I jumped at the chance - I can always use some extra cash and I love kids.
While I work with kids from Monday-Friday on a regular basis in the school system, being a nanny is a whole different thing entirely. I don't have to cook for them, or make sure they've brushed their teeth, or make sure they are going to bed in good time.
I got the chance to meet the two munchkins a couple of weekends ago - and they were nice as pie. That being said, I'm not expecting things to run as smoothly as they did the previous time. I babysat them for 6 hours...not for an entire week. I really have no clue what to expect - the whole realm of running a household (children included) is pretty foreign territory for me. As per the request of a couple of friends, I will be blogging about this experience in the evenings, after the kids have gone to bed, and I actually get a few hours to myself. Should be interesting.
I'm currently packing my suitcase for the week and will be getting picked up in about an hour to start my crash course in motherhood. Wish me luck!

Day 1: 10:33 am
So far my morning has comprised of watching Bob the Builder, getting the kids a nutritious breakfast of Lucky Charms and apple juice, opening the new play dough containers they got for Christmas and attempting to play one game of Candy Land. You have never really played any board game, until you try to with a three and a four year old :S The pair of them are chatterboxes and I guess its always difficult with someone elses kids - how you go about enforcing rules is kinda up to your discretion. I consider myself a firm but fun person. I'm a very energetic but that being said, I do demand respect. My mom was a pretty strict disciplinarian growing up, and while I don't think I'll ever been that strict, I can see know how there was method to her madness.
So far the youngest one, Isla, has taken to calling me "babysitter" while the four year old, Cyrus, has called me Bethany on several occasions. I guess I'm sorta used to having my name misspelled and mis-said often enough. The kids are still pretty wired that there is someone new in the household to show all their new Christmas presents to, but I expect that to calm down by the end of today.
The idea of having a babysitter is still a pretty foreign idea to me - I never had one growing up. I never went to before or after-school care, as my mom stayed at home. The only time I ever remember getting babysat, it was by my aunt while my mom and dad went to Canada's Wonderland on a day trip.

Day 1: 3:01 pm
Just finished washing up all the dishes from lunch: a box of Spiral Kraft Dinner. Took the kids to a nearby park and they ran off some energy for half an hour before it started to rain. Had to listen to an entertaining argument about whether we were going to watch The Incredibles or The Land Before Time, only to find out that both DVD's were missing. Chaos ensues and I had to sit though Star Wars:The Empire Strikes back instead. Oh joy. Anyone who knows me at all, knows I loath anything science fiction. Had Isla insist that the extension cord she was dragging around the house was in fact her skipping rope. Sigh. I know I'm far more patient around kids than I am with adults, but dang they can be trying on the nerves. Its the constant chatter and the persistent questions that can drive anyone nuts. Its the constant reminders to not do things and to stop hitting your sister and to finish your meal before it gets cold. Gosh it's only been one day. I know I can do this, but wow the days as a full time parent pass by slowly. I get that these two are not my biological kids, but for simulation sake I feel I'm getting a pretty good dose of reality. I can't even imagine how some (single, unwed, teenage or otherwise) parents do this. I believe I want kids, but this experience so far has made me very happy I don't have any yet.

Alice in Wonderland

The majority of people will recognize the characters of the Mad Hatter, the March Hare, the Red Queen, The Walrus and the Carpenter, the Cheshire Cat, Tweedledum and Tweedledum and the White Rabbit. Most could probably name the film or novel that the characters belong to as well – Alice in Wonderland of course. I have seen 2 different film versions of the book by British author Lewis Carroll; the classic Disney version with the usual catchy songs (ie: Painting the Roses Red) that was released in 1951 and the version by Tim Burton that came out in 2010. The children’s book full of anthropomorphic animals can easily capture the imagination of young readers, but is still a wonderful and fantastical tale for adults to relive. Both films do not stay 100% true to the literary text from which it is derived, which I suppose is common in most cases when changing mediums. They have added and omitted events and characters but the core of the story remains the same.

Alice’s age is never stated in the Disney film, but she is able to daydream this entire world of Wonderland. Oh to be a child again. They have such wonder filled and expansive imaginations. Their ability to create has no boundaries.

The version directed by Tim Burton is far more fantastical than that of Disney in my opinion. Not animated, the movie has to rely on incredible costumes and makeup to recreate this magical land and characters (which also garnered them a Best Costume Design Oscar).

I have been a huge fan of Tim Burton for several years. He is unique and bizarre, which makes him memorable. I remember a few months ago I was watching Burton’s remake of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory in the family room. My mom came in, took one look at the screen and asked, “That’s by Tim Burton isn’t it?” He has such a style that it makes any of his films recognizable. Even his live action ones tend to resemble the animated ones. Having watched a solid handful of his movies: Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street, Alice in Wonderland, Willy Wonka, Edward Scissorhands, The Nightmare before Christmas, and 9, it is easy to pick out the commonalities between them. Johnny Depp stars in the majority of Burtons works – playing the title character in Edward Scissorhands, Sweeney Todd, and Willy Wonka – and playing the secondary role of the Mad Hatter in Alice in Wonderland. Burton’s partner of many years Helena Bonham Carter (Bellatrix Lestrange in the Harry Potter films) also appears in his films; the wife of Sweeney Todd, The Red Queen, and Charlie’s mother Mrs. Bucket. His movies tend to have dark themes but they are also fantastical. The man is undoubtedly a genius, and I was excited to hear that a Tim Burton balloon would be unveiled at this year’s Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade in the United States. I unfortunately missed out on the Tim Burton exhibit that was being held to showcase TIFF (Toronto International Film Festival). That would have been absolutely incredible to witness and grab some photos of. The “twisted, nightmarish, and dark” world of Burton is what sets him apart and has contributed immensely to his success.

In a world of millions of people, making a name for yourself and distinguishing your identity can be difficult. I like to go against the grain, against what is out there. I would rather be overly ridiculous than overly boring and have people forget me.

Yoga and Me

Yoga and Me is a documentary film which explores the psychological benefits of yoga. Yoga teachers from around the world share their personal journeys to show how the ancient teachings of yoga can be applied to modern day life. Feel free to check out the trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bpvp7rruOvQ

And the website to purchase the film on DVD: http://www.nileyoga.com/dvd.html

While I am not a renowned yoga instructor like those in the video, I took up yoga as part of my life. I started doing yoga just over two years ago. It initially was a health kick that myself and my two roomies started together while in university – waking up at 6am, changing into our workout clothes, and doing yoga to one of the multiple DVD’s we’d purchased. As it turned out, I was the only one to stick with it. Two months into the semester, their schoolwork/programs were far more time consuming than mine, and I was soon the only one waking up at the crack of dawn to get my yoga on and my endorphins going. As it turned out, yoga was also a wonderful part of my recovery from G.A.D. (generalized anxiety disorder.) It was a great way to de-stress not only my body, but my brain.

I currently have a membership at the YMCA, which as it turns out offers yoga classes nearly every night of the week. I go to the Yogafit classes (which are far more of a workout) and to the regular Yoga classes (which are focuses more on mindfulness, relaxation and very exotic twisted positions of the body). I encourage everyone who has not tried yoga yet to give it a shot. Admittedly I know very few guys who do it, which I assume is because they are less flexible. I have always been a pretty flexible person, despite having never taken gymnastics or the like.

There were/are a lot of reasons I love yoga:

1) The cost: a mat is around $30 and assorted DVD’s are between $7-$15 depending on the length and where you purchase them. It’s not a huge monetary investment to start doing yoga at home. A membership to a yoga studio however can be considerably more costly (between $100-$135 monthly for unlimited sessions from what I’ve seen)

2) Low intensity: Yoga is gentle, fluid and not stressful on joints and ligaments. I have never been a huge fan of running for this reason – it’s hard on my knees. In my classes, the ages of participants stretch from people in their twenties to ladies in their fifties and older.

3) Multi-purpose: Yoga is multiple workouts rolled into one – it helps your flexibility, core strength, and cardiovascular system as well as including meditation.

4) Time commitment: in a busy world, with a to-do list the length of my arm, making time to workout and exercise is difficult. But even 30 minutes of yoga makes you feel like a million dollars.

5) Self-awareness: Yoga incorporates mediation and focus on breathing as part of its practice. This might just be my favourite part. After a workout, the relaxation of the body is overwhelming and is pure bliss. You become not only more aware of your body but of your place in the world. Yoga really is an inspirational journey.

6) Variety: from Hatha yoga to Hot yoga, the discipline has a wide range of styles and positions, which prevent it from becoming boring. Switch it up! Try a new class!

7) Results: within a month I noticed the results of practicing yoga. There was less tension in my muscles and my mind was more at peace. I was also considerably more flexible and lost about 10lbs. My clothes were all looser, and I went down a size at Lululemon.

8) Lack of equipment: other than yourself and your mat, there really isn’t anything else you need. You use your own body weight to strengthen, balance and tone during your practice. You don’t even need to wear shoes!

I’m not going to lecture you on the benefits of yoga – there are thousands of websites out there already for that. Plus it’s always nice to be surprised by the results of something new. So what are you waiting for? Get out there and try something new! Happy Yoga-ing! :D

Anastasia: The Mystery of Anna

I remember receiving this two cassette length movie for an Easter present when I was 14 years old from my parents. Staring Amy Irving in the title role, the film follows the life of Anna Anderson, a woman who gained notoriety after claiming that she was the last Grand Duchess Anastasia Romanov. The movie originally came out in 1986, three years before I was born and before DNA testing was able to prove whether Anna Anderson was indeed a descendant of the Romanov's or an impostor. Testing later proved that she was genetically linked to a Polish factory worker and not the Grand Duchess.

The mystery and allure of the story of the Romanov family has captivated me since I was 9. At my public school’s book fair, I bought a copy of My Anastasia by Canadian author Sharon Stewart. To this day it still remains one of my favourite books; I must have read it at least 25 times as the dog-eared pages proves. This book tells the story of Dunia Ivanova, who runs away from her abusive father and through a twist of fate, encounters Gregori Rasputin. Rasputin has connections to the highest of powers in Russia, the palace of the Tsar and Tsarina. In turn Dunia meets all the grand Duchesses and becomes the protégé of Alexei, the heir to the throne. This rags to riches story enthralled my young mind and I didn’t realized until years later that it was a piece of historical fiction, and that the Romanov's had existed as the most powerful family in Russia for a couple of centuries.

The last of the Romanov family was comprised of Tsar Nicholas the Second, his wife Alexandra, their four daughters Olga, Tatiana, Marie and Anastasia, and their only son Alexei. Tsar Nicholas II was a timid man who never wanted to become emperor. He was a kind man but was not suited for politics. His wife Alexandra was a German princess before she married the Tsar, which was not well looked upon in later years because Germany and Russia were enemies during WWI. She was not well liked by the Russian people and was made the scapegoat of anything that went wrong, namely the genetic cause of the only heir’s ailment. Their youngest child and heir to the Russian throne Alexei was born with Hemophilia, a disease which prevents the clotting of blood and causes incredible discomfort and bruising. Only women can pass along this gene, and only men can be hemophiliacs. Alexandra, as a descendant of Queen Victoria, was responsible in the eyes of the Russian people for giving Alexei the disease.

It was imperative that this terrible secret be hidden from the public. The faith in the Tsar was already waning and the mob could not know that the heir to the throne had a life threatening disease. Any bump or bruise could trigger internal bleeding. Doctors were summoned to stop the bleeding but few knew anything about how to treat it. Gregori Rasputin was considered a holy man, and had made his way into the upper ranks of society. Despite his womanizing and alcoholic ways, he seemed to be the only one capable of stopping the bleeding. Because in the eyes of the Tsarina, Rasputin was the only one who could save her son’s life, he was a man to be trusted and kept close. He held ultimate power and became a dangerous player in the fate of the Romanovs. While the Tsar was on the front lines during WWI, the Tsarina was left alone to run the country. With Rasputin whispering things in her ear, she rarely denied him what he wanted. This fact sparked rumours of an affair between the Tsarina and the monk. Rasputin made the rulers of Russia his puppets. For those of you who haven’t heard the song “Ra Ra Rasputin” by Boney M, should have a listen: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TmjdZKfumEI It’s a Russian history lesson in a song!

The death of Rasputin is shrouded in legend and mystery. It is said that Rasputin warned that if anyone in the Romanov family should contribute to his death, the entire dynasty would fall within a year. This turned out to be the case. In multiple ways Rasputin was a major contributor to the fall of the Romanovs. He had many enemies in the Russian government who were not pleased that a man of the church could have so much influence. It has been claimed that he was poisoned, and shot several times, before being tossed in the river to drown.

Nearing the end of the war, Russia was a pot that was able to boil over. Nicholas II resigned the throne and the family was taken into captivity for their own protection. They were shepherded across the country, far from their lavish lifestyle at the imperial palace by the Red Army. On the morning of July 17, 1917 the family was awaken in the middle of the night, and ushered into the basement of the Ipatiev House – or the “House of Special Purpose”. They were told that they were going to have a family portrait taken and were arranged in two rows. Then without warning, firing squad-style, the soldiers of the Red Army open fired on the imperial family. They burned and buried the bodies in an attempt to remove all traces of evidence. They rewrote records and tried to erase the history of the family’s existence. This sparked the possibility that one or more of the Grand Duchesses may have survived the massacre and would thereby be entitled to the families inheritance. No surprise, this resulted in an onslaught of impostors claiming to be Anastasia Romanov, none of whom were real.

There is a great documentary that National Geographic did about the discovery of the remains, and the attempt to piece together the last days of the family: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eAdBHwUr5w The story of the Romanovs remains one of mystery and tragedy. They were canonized as saints in 2000 by the Russian Orthodox Church, a lasting impression on their importance in Russian history.

A Beautiful Mind

I was walking home after work last night, looking up at the constellations. I have always been able to find the big dipper before the little dipper, and I want to eventually find my zodiac sign in the stars (Cancer). Star gazing reminded me of the scene from A Beautiful Mind when John Nash (Russell Crowe) and his girlfriend and future wife trace the shapes of an umbrella and an octopus in the sky. I saw A Beautiful Mind when I was in high school; I’m pretty sure in psychology class. The story profiles the early life and descent into schizophrenia of famous American economist John Nash. Although incredibly intelligent, he suffered from a crippling mental illness. His brain was both a blessing and a curse. Schizophrenia is an illness in which the individual loses touch with reality. Sufferers are often unable to act normally in social situations (demonstrated in multiple scenes of the movie,) think logically and experience delusions. There is a thin line between genius and insanity and many of the world’s most brilliant people walk that line.

Renowned German physicist and scientist Albert Einstein is often considered one of the smartest people who ever lived. His brain was donated to science and has been studied extensively trying to pinpoint what made Einstein smarter than the rest of us. The “Father of Physics” also won the 1921 Nobel Prize. He is the epitome of a “mad scientist” although he never demonstrated any sort of mental illness.

Legendary Dutch painter Vincent Van Gogh toed this line most of his life. At an early age he was distant from his peers and had few close friends. While his works are now amongst some of the most recognized in the world (Starry Night, Portrait of Dr. Gachet, Night Café, The Potato Eaters, Irises), it is his eccentricity and his notorious cutting off his ear that many associate with the artist. He loved to do portraits, as the people in his paintings helped to fill the void of actual human contact. While filled with an artistic aptitude that few could touch, he was a very troubled and disturbed man. He suffered with anxiety, extreme loneliness and mental illness, taking his life with a gun before the age of 40. He died penniless and unknown and it was only after his death that his influence on the art world would be noted. I watched a wonderful documentary: The Life and Death of Vincent Van Gogh on CBS. For those of you who are interested, I encourage you to check it out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zPQo4eSgZwU

There has been keen interest into the minds of serial killers. Most serial killers have above average IQ’s and yet have deviated into malice. This combination is what makes them so cunning and difficult to apprehend. The book: My Life Among the Serial Killers: Inside the Minds of the World's Most Notorious Murderers details the exploration of the author into the minds of these criminals. Being compulsive liars, having an underdeveloped emotional capacity, and lacking empathy are all characteristics of these social deviants. From Wikipedia: the Organized type of serial killers are usually of high intelligence, have an above average IQ (105-120 range), and plan their crimes quite methodically, usually abducting victims, killing them in one place and disposing of them in another. They will often lure the victims with ploys appealing to their sense of sympathy. Others specifically target prostitutes, who are likely to voluntarily go with a serial killer posing as a customer. They maintain a high degree of control over the crime scene, and usually have a good knowledge of forensic science that enables them to cover their tracks, such as by burying the body or weighting it down and sinking it in a river. They follow their crimes in the media carefully and often take pride in their actions, as if it were a grand project. The organized killer is usually socially adequate and has friends and lovers, often even a spouse and children. They are the type who, when captured, are most likely to be described by acquaintances as “a really nice guy” who “wouldn’t hurt a fly.” Most of the most prolific criminals fall into this category.

I consider myself a pretty bright person. I have always excelled in school and averaged 120 on the three IQ tests I took. While I am grateful for having the brain I do, it this same organ that reeked havoc on my life for about a year. After having a massive panic attack while in my second year of university, something flipped in my brain. I was worried constantly, mostly about dying. I was paranoid about being alone, for fear that something bad would happen and no one would be there to help me. I was unable to sleep at night, for fear of the dark and the belief that there was someone out there who was out to get me in the night. It consumed my life and was absolutely crippling. During those months I wound up calling 911 on a couple of occasions, thinking I was dying. I don’t even want to know what my blood pressure was like during that time. Trying to explain this to someone who doesn’t have anxiety is very difficult and before I was diagnosed I thought I was going crazy. I didn’t have a name to put to what I was feeling and experiencing – a thought that was even more frightening. As it turns out G.A.D. is very common, affecting nearly one in ten people. I wound up doing 12 weeks of psychotherapy treatment, as I’m not a big believer in taking medication because it doesn’t actually fix the root of the problem. Honestly one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself. While the process was painful, I’m far more self-aware now (how I tick), which I think can only make me a better daughter, sister and future girlfriend.

Juno

I watched Juno when I was in my first year of university with my roommate at the time. It had gotten rave reviews in the theatres, so we torrented it and had a girl’s night in complete with popcorn and chocolate covered almonds. Starring Canadians Ellen Page and Michael Cera in the two lead roles, the film tells of the struggles of a teenage couple with an unplanned pregnancy. Ellen Page totally deserved an Oscar nod for her performance. She is smart and witty and totally lovable. Like many teenage couples, they consider adoption because they cannot support this new life and want to give the baby the life that they could not provide. While moments of the film are humorous, unwed teen parents is far from funny.

The MTV series Teen Mom and 16 and Pregnant tell the stories of teens all across the United States in this same predicament. While each girl’s story differs (from her family situation, to the length of time she has been with the father of her baby, to how supportive their family is to keeping the baby, to the status of their relationship with the baby daddy) – they are all unprepared, financially unstable and naïve in life. What I find the most disturbing is that there are enough girls across the US who get themselves into this predicament to have three series and counting. It’s a massive responsibility that no teenager needs – and once you have a child, your childhood is over. Having a baby changes everything (not that I would know from experience). I enjoy the series a lot – I find that they don’t sugar-coat the tensions and struggles that teenage parents go through (though I know that they do get paid to be on the show). Growing up is scary enough, and by having unprotected sex teenagers take the chance of being thrust into (no pun intended) adulthood far sooner than they need to.

Bringing a child into this world is difficult even in the best of circumstances. My parents had been together for 4 years and married for 1 year before they had me. They had bought a house, had a car and had all their finances in order. But she suffered from severe postpartum depression with me and had to endure a cesarean section and the pain/ recovery associated with that. Throw in a screaming baby that disrupts your day-to-day life and you have a recipe for emotional ups and downs. They are fully dependent on you and as much as they drive you crazy you have to provide all their needs. My parents planned me, my brother and my sister. No child should be a mistake. With all the contraceptives out there, there really are no excuses. Considering a box of condoms costs around $10.00 and a child is around $10 000/year (including food, clothing, toys, doctor’s appointments, etc) – it’s easy to do the math.

The rise of teenage pregnancy across North America is another reason why I believe that abstinence should not be taught instead of a sexual education class. While abstinence is good in theory – it is rarely ever practiced. Teens are curious and their hormones are raging. Encouraging abstinence also contributes to more teens engaging in oral and anal sex, as they believe it is safer than vaginal penetration. Teens need to be educated and given the tools to deal with this unknown territory; both sex and in their relationships. I never dated when I was in high school and didn’t have my first boyfriend till I was 19, so my parents never really had to deal with any boy drama with me. I didn’t suffer any heartbreak or pregnancy scares, no teen should have to deal with that.

Even at 22 I feel that I would be nowhere close to being ready to have and support a child, let alone 16 years old, like many of the girls from the TV series. I’m having a difficult time as it is supporting just myself and getting by, let alone another life. I’ve noticed recently that the trend seems to be having kids really young (before the age of 20) or quite late (over the age of 35). I come from a small town in Ontario and there are over 60 girls that I went to high school with that now have babies. Another handful are married, and even fewer are both. It’s scary. I think of where I am in life, and I’m nowhere ready to be settling down and having a family. I’m not done all my schooling yet and don’t even have a man in my life for that to even take place. I’m just living my life for me right now. Not that I don’t want those things in the future – it’s just not a priority.