Friday, December 23, 2016

2016 - The Year of Letting Go

To summarize 2016 is difficult. The first half was incredibly challenging. But the second half was a journey of self-discovery and exploration.

The year 2016 was the year I learned to let go - of toxic people, of expectations I had of myself, of expectations I projected onto others, and preconcieved notions I had of myself that limited things I was willing to do or try. I have channeled my inner Elsa and am learning to "Let It Go".

Everyone has an energy, and it's whether you decide to surround yourself with positive or negative ones that ultimately influences your own. Unfortunately for the first half of this year, someone who was very sick and with a very negative energy was one of the closest people to me. I have never been so exhausted and stressed out in my life. After removing him from my life, positive energies and people started to fill that void he left. It was really amazing to see the shift, and how the situation started to balance out. It's OK to let go of people that do not serve you in a positive way. Life is too short to deal with the negative presence of toxic people.

I have always been a planner. I love check-lists. Post-its are life. For the most part, things that I have planned to do in my life - I have achieved. With the exception of my love-life. If I had things my way, I would have been married with a child already. This year has totally reversed that opinion. By me setting milestones such as marriage, or having kids, or purchasing a house with a specific year in mind, I am setting myself up for disappointment. There is no deadline for these things, and I have come to accept that when the timing is right (if/when that occurs) then it will happen. I have also come to grips with the fact that these things may never happen for  me, and I am starting to be OK with that too. Prior to this year, I pinned so much of my identity to my relationship status. I have been somewhat of a serial monogamist since I was 19, going from one long-term relationship to the next, without alot of breathing room in between. Being single was not acceptable.

Being single can be lonely sometimes, but nothing is worse than being in a relationship with someone who makes you feel alone. I would rather be single, and I will never put myself in that situation again. I have embraced my singlehood in a way that I never have before <3 I have learned this year that happiness is an inside job, and I can't rely on others (particulary men/ romantic partners) to give it to me. I consider myself I pretty successful person and I am happy with the vast majority of what I've done in my 27 years. Being single I always saw as a blemish on my otherwise pretty solid resume - that somehow I had failed, that I wasn't good enough to be chosen by someone as their partner. Now it is something that I have embraced. Being single leaves me open to so many possibilities. Being unattached has it perks - I don't have to factor in anyone in deciding what I want to do with my life, I do what I want. I wanted to take pole fitness classes, so I did. I wanted to brush up on my Spanish, so I registered for college classes. I wanted to learn to snowboard, so I went and bought a board, boots and bindings. I am able to grab life by the horns again, after feeling for the better part of this year, like I had no control at all.

2016 really tested my inner strength in the face of difficult situations and really made me re-evaluate my persception of myself. I am so proud of myself and thankful to my support systems of family and friends that got me through the first half of this year. I think I came out stronger and wiser than I was before. My attitude about my relationship status has also shifted into a positive one. Bring it on 2017!


No comments:

Post a Comment