Saturday, August 27, 2016

Dating an Alcoholic

I terminated my relationship with my alcoholic boyfriend a few months ago, and am still shaking my head that it took me so long to see his addiction for what it was. I kept making excuses for his behaviour and taking him back, regardless of how terrible his addiction treated me.

We met online and chatted for months before meeting in person. When we met I thought I had hit the jackpot. I should have know that if it seems too good to be true - it probably is. I had no idea he had a drinking problem until he moved in with me.

I have been a fan of the TV show Intervention for years. I guess I never realized that addiction would hit so close to home. As a result of this experience I have educated myself more about the roots of addiction, but I don't think I will ever understand it.

I am an educated woman with 2 degrees, but I still refused to acknowledge the severity of the situation and the havoc he was reeking on my life and my inner peace. I want to blame my "stupidity" on my career choice. As a teacher I try to see the best in all of my students, even the difficult ones.

Dating an alcoholic I will summarize as dating Dr. Jekyl and Mr Hyde simultaneously. He was kind and sweet and generous, but on the flip side of the coin, he was obviously battling many mental demons that he tried to silence by drinking. When he was drunk he would get depressed and moody and drank to the point that he just passed out.After each drinking binge I knew he felt embarassed. He would apologize profusely, but the behaviour kept repeating itself. Unfortunately this cycle of emotional abuse continued for months. His apologies grew to mean nothing and I stopped trusting anything he said.

I came home from work on multiple occasions to find him asleep on the couch, with the apartment a disaster. He would be so drunk that he would knock things over, spill food or injure himself. It became a regular occurance to find empty vodka bottles and beer cans hidden all over the apartment. And yet I stayed with him. He would replace the water in water bottles with straight vodka. And yet I stayed with him.Family and friends who were made aware of the situation warned me to leave. And yet I stayed with him. I had to call the police on three seperate occasions because he drunk and refused to leave my apartment. That was the last straw. I did not know what I was signing up for - and I wanted out.

Eventually I just accepted that my love will never be enough to make him better. He has to want sobriety and recovery for himself. I grew tired of watering a dead flower and caring more than he did about getting better.There comes that pivotal decision, to either try harder or walk away. It felt like I was the only one trying. It was not an easy decision, but for my happiness and well-being I had distance myself from this toxic person. I wish him the best, but he's a very sick person who needs some serious help in dealing with his past trauma.

Months after the fact I am still very resentful of the hurt he brought into my life. I had no prior experience with addiction or alcoholism. He was active online dating, trolling for some poor girl, knowing damn well that he was sick (I found out that his drinking dates back about 5 years, when his athletic career ended). I just happened to be the poor girl who fell for his facade. Based on what he posts on social media and how he portays himself to the world, it makes me angry because I know the truth. Fake people have to put on a face, real people don't care. He came into my life like a wolf in sheep's clothing, wreaked havoc on my life and left me to pick up the pieces. He put me in hard times and he left me in hard times. He's drinking himself to death, and as much as I tend to see the world in rose-coloured glasses, I don't see things changing anytime soon.

No comments:

Post a Comment